I'd wear matching sweaters with you
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
