He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
