This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
