I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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