i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
