Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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