You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
