My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
