I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
