i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
