i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
