dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
