Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
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