sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
