I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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