I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
