I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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