That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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