Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
