My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
