But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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