there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
