My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
