My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
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