rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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