i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
