I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
