Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
