Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...