There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic