I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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