I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit