Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?