True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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