we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
