I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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