Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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