I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize