he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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