My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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