you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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