I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
