is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
