you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
