I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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