my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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