I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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