I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
