he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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