I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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