I hope mine doesn't look like that
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
