You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
