mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize