I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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