wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
