The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
