It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
