Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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