I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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