Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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