fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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