I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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