I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
