Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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