we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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