Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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