If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
