And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
