you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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