still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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