i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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