There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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