if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs