You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Are we still banned from the library?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?