My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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