Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner