yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother