i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just had sex on a roof
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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