It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
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Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF